Author & Book Promotion Gone Terribly Wrong: The Launch of "iPerimenopause"

Hi,

So I woke up this morning with my heart pounding, confused, thirsty, and drenched, of course. This has been my reality since I am perimenopausal. 

Is there such a word as "perimenopausing," or did I just copy those who said I am "menopausing"? 

Yes, I might have because while trying to get into the business of publishing to pay the bills, I had a sneaky peek at those amazingly popular bestsellers on this hot topic: menopause. 

But I am not going to talk about that in this post. Now, I will focus on the fact that today is the launch of my hybrid book "iPERIMENOPAUSE: The Latest Upgrade to the Operating System of My Life - Malfunction: Hormonal Mayhem." 

Man, the book promotion went so, so wrong that I just want to scream, much like Munch's famous painting! 

But I don't have the energy. Thanks, perimenopause. This was taken in October of 22. 

Most authors act like they are excited when a book they wrote comes on the market. Perhaps they are excited; I am just being cynical. I was never excited, I was and I am exhausted. 

However, I'll save this topic, like the previous one, for another post as it's quite lengthy.

So, I went to my author page (click) to see if my book for women is live. Not excited. I looked at what appeared to be a long list of books on very diverse topics (who the heck wrote those books and added them to my author account?), and "iPERIMENOPAUSE: The Latest Upgrade to the Operating System of My Life - Malfunction: Hormonal Mayhem" was nowhere to be found. 

I didn't panic. I am so worn out, and not only because I am perimenopausal, but because I have done everything in my power (and beyond) to promote this hybrid book, and I am so terrible at it that really, I don't even have the energy to fret. "Where is it? What happened? Is it too early, maybe?" Silly question, the last one, because it went live at midnight, and I was checking at 7 am. 

Anyway, I went to my author central account and searched for it there, thinking that maybe it's too new to appear on my page. It wasn't there either. I just went on Kindle, and my book is there. 

So what the heck? 

Not in paperback, because I didn't submit the cover yet. :(

Now, if you are a pro publisher, you might have already realized what happened, right? 

Well, I am an author, no doubt about it, but I am not a pro publisher. 

What happened, fellow readers and colleagues, is that my author profile on Amazon carries the name I used to sign my books with until 2022, which is Cristina G. But this book is signed with Cristina Gherghel, my full name, a name that I intend to keep until I kick the bucket.

Man, I clicked on "add the book," and Amazon prompted me: "Hey, confused perimenopausal author who has no idea what she is doing, do you realize that this book is written by a different author? I mean, you are Cristina G., and this is Cristina Gherghel's book." 

No, it didn't say that, as you can imagine. It said that given the fact that it is my book but signed with a pen name, I could claim another Amazon author page with my latest name.

I burst into laughter. Like hysterical laughter. 

What in the world of words that I can't write here? 

All this promoting of "iPERIMENOPAUSE: The Latest Upgrade to the Operating System of My Life - Malfunction: Hormonal Mayhem" was done for nothing since I don't even have an account with my name on it! 

Do you know that when I paid for press releases and promotion, someone told me that I should set up an account on Amazon since it is there that I publish my books? 

In my very foggy mind, I thought, "What is she talking about? I have an author account."

Man, I can't quite believe how wrong it all went with this author comeback and book promotion. 

I felt it three days ago that it wasn't going well, but this bad? 

How could I have missed this vital piece of information? 

Anyway, I have now claimed an account with my pen name, which is my real name, Cristina Gherghel, and the other one, Cristina G., is my pen name. 

I never considered it to be a pen name since it's a shorter version of my name. 

How can I be this simple? 

It is a pen name! Well, it was. 

Do you know what? 

Two months ago, I wrote a polite request to Amazon, asking them to change my name from Cristina G. to Cristina Gherghel. Their reply was, "No, we can't do that since all your books are signed with Cristina G." 

I didn't argue. Who argues with such a colossal entity? I certainly don't want to risk being banned for life! While many people have concerns about corporations like Amazon, as an author, it remains the best platform on the planet to showcase my work. But now I can't help but wonder, if they were to remove me, where else could I possibly publish my books? 

Anyway, why didn't they say, "Hey, once you publish a book signed with your real name, you can claim a pen name new account"?

I learned my lesson. I don't know when my new author page will go live. 

But my book is there: "iPERIMENOPAUSE: The Latest Upgrade to the Operating System of My Life - Malfunction: Hormonal Mayhem." 

Please read it, gift it to friends, talk about it, leave a review wherever you like. 

You can find my Goodreads author page here: (click). 

Luckily, I have a Goodreads author page that proudly showcases my full name. Feel free to explore and discover more about my literary endeavors. 

These, of course, if you like. I can't impose this on anyone. 

And if you happen to have some spare time and nothing better to do, I invite you to take a peek at my other blog (click), which had me wide awake until the early hours past midnight. 

You might assume that with a hundred blogs and a plethora of social networks, I would have everything prepared for this grand book launch. 

Oh, how wrong you are! Instead, I found myself tangled in a web of blog openings, cover creations, and a myriad of other authorial obligations. 

It's like I took a detour to the Land of Procrastination and got lost in its wacky maze of distractions and misadventures. 

Who needs prepared posts and pictures when you can have a chaotic mess of unorganized creativity? 

And the paperback version, where is it? Definitely not live because I didn't find the time to submit the cover!

Ah, the glamorous life of an independent author! 

As usual, it has been a privilege to have your attention. 

Have a great Saturday. Breathe.  

Signed, your confused author, who holds the title of the worst writerpreneur to ever grace this earth, perseveres in her valiant efforts to promote her hybrid book, "iPERIMENOPAUSE: The Latest Upgrade to the Operating System of My Life - Malfunction: Hormonal Mayhem."

Oh, how I yearn for the day when I can recoup at least what I shamelessly spent! Alas, I've dedicated countless hours to advertising a book that lacks an author, all while neglecting the very essence of writing... Ah, my dear friends, that time is irretrievable. It holds a priceless value, oh, the irony!

So, my dear readers, I invite you to witness the pen dropping—a symbolic gesture of surrender to the uproarious chaos that has unfolded on this absurd literary journey.

Yours sincerely, 

 (The bewildered author)